UPDATE: IT’S NOT CONJUNCTIVITIS!

A brief update on my left eye:

I wish I could say I handled the whole thing with grace and class. But I was a frantic mess. I woke up this morning and my left eye was crusted shut. Eyes should never be crusty. That’s just a fact of life. So then I started panicking because that meant I really had to see a medical professional. Like immediately. And I had no idea how to do that. If I’m being honest, I’m not even sure I would know what to do in America. 

Anyway, I figured I could call my health insurance company and ask them what to do. First I took a shower to rinse off all my dried-up eye secretions. Because obviously that had to be done. Then I walked to a park (Hyde Park, for those of you familiar with famous Sydney sights) to make my phone call. It seemed best to not speak loudly on the phone about an eye infection in a room with seven other people. I’ve been avoiding eye contact with everyone at this hostel because I don’t want them to 1) get freaked out by the sight of my droopy and/or crusty eye, or 2) get freaked out about me infecting them with my janky eye. 

So I walk to the park. I pick a bench kind of far away from anyone else and I call the customer service number I had in my welcome email from HCF. I’m waiting for like seven minutes and no one picks up. And in those seven minutes I start to overthink things. And cry a little. Because if I have to deal with this infection, that means I’m not dealing with things like finding a flatshare or doing laundry or running errands. And if I have an infection, I’ll probably have to miss at least one day of work. And I just started. I’m going to have to miss my literal third real shift of work. And I did some googling last night and it’s possible I could have eye gonorrhea. EYE GONORRHEA. That’s worse than conjunctivitis. When did STIs get the right to fuck exclusively with an eye? And why are all lists of symptoms on the internet so vague? I just wanted to rule out eye gonorrhea and yet… it was still a possibility. And I just started my period so I’m feeling very emotionally vulnerable and hungry for chocolate. I hang up the phone and look up a physical HCF office because I don’t have time to sit in a park on hold for 20 minutes. THERE COULD BE GONORRHEA IN MY EYE.

I walk up to the receptionists and immediately start sobbing. “There’s something wrong with my eye it’s not right I have an insurance plan with you I have no idea what to do what do I do.” They are understandably so concerned and direct me upstairs to the HCF eye center. I continue to sob to the eye center receptionists. By this time I’ve been crying so much you probably can’t even tell how droopy my left eye is. They ask me if I have medicare and I tell them I’m American and I purchased a private plan. They ask me about the details of my plan and all I can do is give them my member number, scribbled on a literal scrap of paper that was crumpled up in the pocket of my jean jacket. I go sit down for a while and they look up my details. Turns out my plan doesn’t cover optometry. I’ve never been to an optometrist in America. Optometrists are for nerds who can’t see. So why would I need that covered in Australia? BECAUSE EYE GONORRHEA, THAT’S WHY. They tell me they can squeeze me in if I’m willing to wait around for 30 minutes and that they’ll charge me the medicare rate. I’m not sure if that’s standard procedure or if they gave me a discount because I’m an unstable child who shouldn’t have been unleashed on their continent. 

Long story short, I have a mild eye infection. I have to take some eye drops four times a day and it should clear up within a week. I’m not even contagious unless someone comes into direct physical contact with my secretions. Mmm secretions. But the doctor did tell me to stay home for a few days, so I’m on sick leave from work for for Thursday and Friday. So that sucks. Overall this experience just proved (once again) that I am not an adult and absolutely cannot take care of myself. Cheers.