MY OPTOMETRIST IS A DIRTY DIRTY LIAR

So my optometrist definitely lied to me? “Mild eye infection” my ass. This is conjunctivitis. And it has now spread to my other eye. So I’m double infected. I don’t want to go back and see her again though because like… I don’t want to pay $28 again just for her to tell me to keep using the eye drops and stay home for a few more days. I’ve now officially missed more shifts at my job than I’ve worked. Staying home sick is usually kind of fun because you just get to hang out and snuggle up and watch Netflix. But when home is a bunk in an 8-bed mixed dorm with no air conditioning… it’s different. The wifi is shit so I have to watch Netflix on my phone and if I’m watching Netflix on my phone that means I’m not simultaneously scrolling through Twitter and Instagram and I get antsy. I’m a millennial- sue me! Also this is maybe the first time in my life where I have way cooler things to do than watch Netflix. I’m in Australia. I don’t want to sit inside and watch Have You Heard About the Morgans. It’s an awful horrible terrible movie. I wish I hadn’t heard about the Morgans. By far the biggest disappointment of Hugh Grant’s career. I can’t not recommend this movie enough.  

I feel like I’m falling behind. Homelessness creeps closer with every day I spend not looking for a flat. Every friend I’ve kind of started to make is just drifting away and making other friends with every night I can’t go out. I already forget everyone’s names at work. So that’s going to be awkward when I go back

Last night I ate a salad with actual vegetables for the first time since I got here. I’ve been here for a month. A MONTH. My body needed something, anything healthy. This salad had beets in it. I hate beets. They’re gross. They taste like dirt. But I ate every last scrap of beet in that salad like I was some kind of health guru. I should probably look into vitamins. 

I watched this documentary on Netflix called American Meme. I actually do recommend this one. It’s fairly short and an interesting look into the culture of social media. It’s low key kind of depressing and I think I hate most of the people featured in it… except for Paris Hilton, of course. There’s this moment where Paris is getting vulnerable and she says: “My biggest fear is to die. Because I have no idea what happens after. And I’m really scared that it’s nothing, because that would be beyond boring.” I love that so much. Fearing death only because it might be boring? Absolutely savage. I can’t help but think that Paris would not cope well with conjunctivitis, as it is a very boring affliction. My eyes don’t hurt or itch, they just look awful. When you have a cold or the flu and you rest so you can get better… that’s productive rest. You feel all holy for resting. You’re like, “My body is so precious and sometimes that’s easy to forget, and for that I apologize, my dear sweet body. So today we’ll drink water and slurp chicken broth and do a face mask so you can fight the mucus within. Namaste.” But with an eye infection it’s like, “Ok I put in all four eye drops today why is it still fucked up? Oh and now the other one’s getting crusty? Guess I’ll throw some drops into that one too. Look at me, fucking Oprah over here with the eye drops. I have a life to live, eyes. Get it together.” Conjunctivitis has no chill.

I’ve decided I’m officially ready to become an influencer. My part-time job is fun and all but I’d feel a lot better with another source of income. So if anyone wants to sponsor me, let me know. I’m not picky. If anyone has any connects with any eye drop brands I think that could be a cool place to start. Kind of take this infection thing full circle. I wouldn’t mind a deodorant brand sponsoring me either… everyone here uses spray-on? What’s wrong with the classic all-American solid deodorant? Spray-on deodorant seems so wasteful because realistically how much of that is actually hitting the surface of your armpit? And how much is just ruining the armpit area of your clothes? And I’ve seen people put this deodorant on in hostel rooms it’s not like a quaint little psst for the left pit and psst for the right pit. They go IN on that shit. Circular motions, zigging and zagging, smelling up the whole room with men’s deodorant, whatever that scent is. Cedar? Six pack abs? Privilege? Anyway, I’m running low on my deodorant and I’m getting nervous. 

If I were smart I would have a posting schedule on here. Like, every Monday or something. But inspiration strikes when it strikes, you know? We’re all at the mercy of my twisted little mind. Hopefully next time inspiration strikes I will be conjunctivitis-free. God, can you imagine?