It has been a doozy of a week. In a good way. I got a job!!!! A job!!!! Employment?? Employment!! Very excited for this new chapter where I get to complain about having a job instead of not having a job. Rest assured, I will still be complaining. It barely pays enough to cover rent, which is neat. Being financially stable is too predictable. Boring, even. I’m employed, but I’m still on an adventure. Will she make it in the big city? It’s actually a very on-brand way for me to be employed, if you ask me. Not that anyone’s keeping track, but that makes 3 (three) random cities I have moved to and successfully found a job. Taking a moment to reflect on my power… I am so powerful.
Anyway, this week has been an emotional rollercoaster. From “will I ever get a job??” anxiety to “holy shit I got a job??” elation to “fuck now I have to start a job… and work forever?” anxiety. In a way, the job hunt was safe. If I’m unemployed, I’m not tied down. But now I have responsibilities. I know with COVID I won’t be able to travel the way I want to for… maybe ever? But it’s still really hard to watch the door chain slide into place on that already-locked door? Does that make sense? Like, now COVID isn’t the only thing stopping me from traveling. I have a job. And it doesn’t lend itself to amassing savings. And my existing savings are on their last legs from living in the most expensive city in the world for almost 3 months. I am double-trapped. Writing this, I am contemplating… and I am spiraling. I get 10 days PTO. That’s for sickness and holiday. Out of a year. And other than that, I’m just… answering emails? Every day? For 8 hours a day? Is that just what work is? I don’t want it. I don’t want it at all. That’s so depressing. Fuck. FUCK.
I need to turn this mood around STAT because right now I am not passing the vibe check. And what better way to bring on the good vibes and sunshine than this week’s Track of the Week…
FOURTH EVER TRACK OF THE WEEK: Saturdays (feat. HAIM) – Twin Shadow (2018)
This song takes me back to Melbourne. To set the scene: My best friend British Katie left Australia on August 14th (otherwise known as the day after my birthday). I was so anxious about how to navigate the city/country without her. She was the outgoing one who made friends for us. It was the first time since first landing in Sydney that I felt truly alone. That I worried about being alone. No offense to British Katie (love you literally eternally), but those last few months in Melbs ended up being some of my best times down under. I think for the same reason the first few months in Syd were so rewarding: because I surprised myself. Or I was surprised by how things went? I don’t know how much credit I can give myself vs. how much credit goes to the amazing people who backpack Australia?
The point is: it was fun. I loved to love my friends. I even had some enemies that I loved to hate! I don’t know how many people say this, but I think I truly miss living in a hostel? I can spend a lot of time alone. Left to my own devices, I will spend a lot of time alone. Having all your pals in one building… in one room? Get out. I love that shit. Especially with COVID and having no pals in sight for so long… I am very much romanticizing the past, and you know what? I’m okay with it. This shit deserves to be romanticized. It’s all I have.
I literally forgot I was writing for a Track of the Week… Can you tell this song makes me criminally nostalgic? BACK TO THE TRACK. I heard it for the first time in the hostel lobby. Naturally, I Shazammed that shit. Naturally, I added it to my playlist. Naturally, I listened to it nonstop. Commuting from St Kilda, usually hungover, to the aquarium. Where it would play in my head for 6 hours while I sold people access to fish. And then back to St Kilda, usually to get fucked up with pals. This song got me so hype. Gets me so hype. It has big coming-of-age movie soundtrack energy. Like, the opening montage where you hear this track and just know it’s about to be a banger of a movie. Or the ending fade-to-credits song where you’re reflecting on the banger of a movie you just saw. Not to get too “Tik Tok comments section” on here, but it has big main character energy. Listen and try not to dance. Try not to feel so carefree you do a little dance. Try not to feel like the universe was made for you. I dare you.
It’s fitting this song makes me criminally nostalgic because it’s quite literally about returning to a time when everything felt right when everything feels out of control. Twin Shadow himself annotated the Genius lyric page: “Saturdays represent an escape that I seek from the horrors of modern life.” And, OH BOY, does that hit different in these unprecedented times!! Dancing in dark rooms on Saturdays. Oh, to feel that freedom. Oh, to feel anything. These Saturdays, the rooms are dark, but it’s because everything is closed and no one’s allowed to dance because that’s superspreader behavior. Can you feel that? The nostalgia? An almost… criminal amount, right?
I’m very sorry to Twin Shadow, but I don’t know a lot about him and I don’t listen to any of his other songs. I’m sure they’re great. I would do more research, but I’m kind of drained from all this introspection (and criminal nostalgia) and I don’t really feel like it and it’s my blog and I don’t have to if I don’t want to. And so I won’t. 🙂 I will say, though… HAIM is iconic. And we all know how I feel about female vocalists featuring on male vocalist songs and vice versa… I’m such a slut for it. Bring me the dimension, show me the depth, take me on a journey.
In conclusion, this Track of the Week is about a moment as much as it is about a song. That’s one of my favorite things about music: when it captures a moment. Clings to a moment. I’ll always remember those last 3 months in Australia, when every day was a Saturday. And now, I’ll remember the thrill of getting a job in a hopeless place. All I have to do is tune in to this bop.
Listen to Saturdays (feat. HAIM) on Youtube or Spotify or wherever else you absorb music. I’m so sorry if you’re an Apple Music user that’s so embarrassing and unfortunate for you. 
(I realized I forgot to do this for my previous tracks – I just gave you a name and left you to the wolves. Not anymore! This is week 4 and we are elevating our game, babY! Links on links on links!)
Also, I made a Tracks of the Week playlist! You can follow it here if you’re obsessed with me or whatever.
xx
P.S. It has come to my attention (from Youtube comments) that this song was featured on the soundtrack of Netflix’s 2019 romcom Someone Great. I love that movie. (My mom thought there was too much drug use, which… fair.) I watched it when it came out, snuggled in my bunk at the same hostel… but I guess I didn’t connect with the track when I first heard it. Kinda neat to imagine the universe was like, “Not yet! We’ve got different memories in store for this score! She can bop but she will not Shazam!”
reina snophia 