FIRST 6 HOURS IN SYDNEY (VERY CRAZY)

It really is a bitch of a trip to get to Australia. But after 24 gruesome hours of travel, I have arrived. It’s honestly pretty rude how flights to Australia from the US are overnight. Theoretically that makes sense I guess because you sleep on the plane and then arrive fresh and ready to explore. But the reality is that you can’t sleep for the first 2 hours of the flight because you don’t want to miss the airplane food dinner. (I don’t give a fuck about the quality of the meal, OK. I paid for it. I paid $1,200 to be on that plane and I am going to reap every single possible reward godDAMNIT.) I took a sleep aid after dinner (Italian vegetable pie with polenta and tomatoes!) and it lulled me into a 6-hour nap. When I woke up it was the equivalent of 4:30AM in Sydney. And I realized I had missed the “Treat Yourself” mid-flight snack. Not only was I pissed on principle of missing a complimentary service, I was extra pissed because it was a Margherita stromboli and gelato. A MARGHERITA STROMBOLI AND GELATO. That’s not a snack, that’s a whole second dinner. And I MISSED IT. Anyway, so it was 4:30AM when I woke up and I still had 4 hours left on that godforsaken plane. I couldn’t go back to sleep though, and here’s why: I was having some minor heart palpitations because my Australian adventure was about to begin and I was not (am not) ready. And also I didn’t want to miss breakfast. Both entree options were served with Vanilla Chobani and granola- that’s how you know American cares :’) So I didn’t go back to sleep and now I’m exhausted but I can’t go to sleep until it’s nighttime because I need to get my internal clock adjusted to this 17-hour time difference. (This is the first time I googled the time difference and wow 17 hours. That’s so dramatic. Especially considering time is just a social construct? Someone just decided time was a thing at some point and then someone in Australia was like “yeah sure but for us it’s 17 hours later ha fuck you”?)

I’ve been in Sydney for 6 hours now. I brushed my teeth and swiped some micellar water all over my face in the airport bathroom. I bought a 3-month EPIC DATA sim-card plan at the Optus booth conveniently located in the arrivals terminal. I have data out the wazoo. 30GB a month. I don’t even know what to do with all that data. Truly EPIC. I only cried a little to the volunteer at the Information desk in the airport when I asked how to get to Sydney Central. I checked into my hostel and left my bag in my room with some hungover bunkmates. I went to the bank to activate my account. I walked 1.8 miles down to the Opera House and Harbour Bridge. I had a salami panini in a religious bookstore/café. I didn’t realize it was religious until I sat down and noticed all the bibles, figurines of angels, and pamphlets titled “How to Live as a Pure Man.” That’s gotta be a super niche market, right? It made me uncomfortable because I’m pretty sure I do not Live as a Pure Man so I scarfed my ‘nini and looked up the nearest Starbucks on Google Maps (#notspons). And here I am. Sitting next to man who is sitting up straight but is most definitely sleeping. That’s what we in the business like to call a Big Mood. I’m also eating a “Kid’s Cookie,” although I’m not sure why it’s called that because it is quite literally just a frosted sugar cookie and I don’t think I need to be shamed and called a child for wanting to eat a cookie? 

I have a lot to do… like make friends, find a job, find a place to live, find a grocery store, find a non-religious local café, take a shower, watch Mad Men, go to bed, apply for a tax file number, transfer my money to my new bank account, learn the geography of the city, go to a zoo, snuggle a koala, 700 other things and then 700 other other things I don’t even know about yet. I don’t know what to do first and it’s honestly just really overwhelming. Like I can’t stress enough how overwhelmed I am. But I’m here. And too many people know I’m here so I can’t give up or pussy out because that’d be embarrassing. I really just threw myself into my own personal hellscape because I thought it’d be better than joining the world of corporate America, huh? I have a feeling it’s going to be a lot like a train wreck: you hate to see it but you can’t look away. But hey- good content is good content!

Now that I’m alone in a foreign country with no one else to share my thoughts with, I will certainly be writing more- which is great news for all my fans out there! (Hi, mom. Hi, Nana.)

Until next time,

Yours truly,

Sincerely,

With love,

XOXO,

SOPHIE BUT IN AUSTRALIA