A WEEK IN AUSTRALIA (STILL ALIVE!!)

I’m sitting in the Royal Botanic Gardens looking out over the Harbour Bridge writing this. I’ve been in Sydney for a week. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long but it also feels like it’s been an eternity. I’m just hemorrhaging money so that’s fun. I took the plunge and booked another week in my hostel even though it’s not the most economic option. It’s clean and safe. I don’t have to lock my stuff up all day every day. The bar downstairs has good drink deals usually. Drinks are so expensive here. Alcohol in general. Something about the laws? The Australian government is one big party foul. I bought a small bottle of “great value” vodka for $29. You hate to see your booze described as “great value,” especially when the price objectively does not reflect a great value. Backpackers mostly drink shitty boxed wine that everyone calls goon. Everyone acts like it’s some kind of horrible affront to their refined palates, but I’d consider it the equivalent of Franzia in the states. And I went to Colgate. So I’m used to drinking garbage.

I’ve started kind of applying for jobs. I made it to the group interview stage for one! It seems like a really cool opportunity but doesn’t necessarily pay that well, so we’ll see how it goes. I’ll probably bomb the interview because I’m not actually outgoing and/or positive. Stay tuned for more on that next week. Some guy in my hostel room got a gig entering data in an office for $30 an hour. Now before you all cream your jeans about $30 an hour for mind-numbing busy work, just remember how expensive this goddamn city is. For no reason. Like why am I paying $295 a week to live in a mixed-gender dorm with 10 people? Let me know? Still though, I would kill for that job. He used a recruitment agency to find it so I guess I should probably look into that. He literally had $280 in his bank account and was about to sleep in a park if he didn’t get a job this week. I hope I don’t ever reach that point because honestly I think I would crack under the pressure. Absolutely could not handle it.

I’m making friends with the people in my room finally! I went to a free wine and cheese night with this one girl. She’s British, of course. Fucking everyone is British. Or German. But the Germans are all exclusively 18 years old for some reason? Anyway, this girl and I are in the same boat. We got here around the same time and are just totally winging it and getting super nervous about money and finding a job and a place to live and such and so on and so forth so it goes. We’ve been going out since we don’t have any other responsibilities and might as well enjoy the tacky theme nights and free shit the hostel has to offer. Drinking really is the great unifier. And drunk eating. I think we ate 40 McNuggets the other night. I’m feeling a little disgusted and also a little proud about it? 

I haven’t met any other Americans yet. I’ve started thinking in this hybrid British/Australian accent and then when I actually speak and hear my American accent come out I’m shocked and disgusted. Sometimes I just want to meet another American to hear a familiar accent. When I was at the zoo I spotted an American tourist family just by the look of them. And then I heard the dad speak and I was like ah yes only an American father would explain the ferry system in that way to his small child. Does that make sense? I don’t even remember how he was explaining the ferries but like… it was just such an American Tourist vibe. Whatever. Then I kind of followed them around for a while. It was pretty creepy but I kept a casual distance so at least they didn’t know how creepy it was. Nationalism is so weird like I don’t know those people at all- they are as much a stranger to me as the local Australians or the various other backpackers. And yet I’m connected to them and feel comforted by their presence. The zoo was fun though; I got to see koalas. I literally watched them for an hour. They were so active, jumping around their little trees, munching on their little eucalyptus branches. The zookeeper called eucalyptus “toxic lettuce” and said that’s why koalas have such little, smooth brains. He also said that baby koalas eat their mom’s poo to get the right digestive bacteria to be able to handle eucalyptus. They’re not born with the ability to eat the one thing they eat. They have to eat literal shit to be able to eat figurative shit. Insane. How are koalas still alive as a species? I don’t know but I love them. 

A few random things I’ve noticed:

• Burger King is called Hungry Jack’s here? Apparently the name Burger King was already taken when the company tried to expand to Australia so they just… went with Hungry Jack’s instead? Like ok I guess? It took me like 6 times walking past a Hungry Jack’s to realize that it was Burger King’s branding.
• Cantaloupe is called Rockmelon here. I don’t have any kind of explanatory add-on for that. That’s just weird.
• I saw a new Pringle flavor at Woolworth’s: chicken kebab. I hate the idea of putting the essence of meat in a chip but I am also very tempted to try them… for science. Comment below if you think I should dance with that devil!
• Joe & The Juice (Danish coffee shop chain) is the Abercrombie of the juice world. It’s got everything: loud house music at inappropriate times of day, strictly hot and edgy employees who look like they don’t give a fuck about anything ever, overpriced products that I will definitely continue to buy. 

I was worried about this year because I thought I was bad at being alone. But after this week, I’ve realized I’m really good at being alone. It scares me how good I am at being alone. I can sightsee by myself day after day. I can go to cafes and put in my headphones and tap away on my laptop for hours. I can go to the grocery store or little fast-casual restaurants for meals and snacks. Being alone isn’t the hard part. It’s not being alone. Meeting people, being high-energy, making a good first impression, putting myself out there. Fuck if that isn’t tough. But I’m working on it. And that’s that on that for now.

TTYL